Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Last night I watched the Michael Jackson Memorial Service. I was not home when it originally aired but my mother recorded it on our DVR. When I got home from picking Amani up from daycare, I did watch it.
The service was absolutely beautiful and I am am glad that it did not turn into some tasteless, classless extravagant show. It was the way a memorial should be. The most heartfelt song that was sung was ‘Smile” which was Michael’s favorite song. It was written by Charlie Chaplin and performed by Germaine Jackson. He did a beautiful job with the song and cried throughout it.Usher performed a song called Gone Too Soon and he cried as well.They were not fake tears but real heartfelt ones. I really felt sorry for him. Both of my mothers as well as myself cried. I cried when Paris Jackson spoke.She didn’t say much but what she did say caused the waterworks to flow from my eyes.
I was really and truly inspired by Michael Jackson adn all of his music.I am truly saddened by his death and will be for a long time to come. It also saddens me that my daughter, who is 19 months old will never have her own Michael Jackson experience.

Michael has been dead for five days and I still can’t believe it. He was the greatest entertainer that ever lived. I loved him for his genius when it came to writing music and turning out great songs. I have many personal favorites but the one that to me stands out the most is You Are Not Alone.It is the epitome of Michael and all that he was, is and will always be. I love you Michael: yesterday, today, and for all tomorrows. Rest in blessed peace!

My mother has been worried about my oldest brother for the last month. She’s been worried becuase he hasn’t gotten in contact with her in a month. Sunday, when I was with Rey, I used his computer to send my brother, Matthew a message. I told him that it was irresponsible for him not to call our mother and let her know that he was ok.I told him that he was being selfish by not considering her feelings by not calling. Yesterday he sends me a message saying that our mother doesn’t care about him and every time he wants to talk about something important to her she doesn’t answer the phone or she passes the phone off to someone else. I don’t believe that to even be true.

My mother loves my oldest brother way more than she does me and my other tow brothers. The reason for that is she is in love with his father even until this day. You see, they were married when she was 17- years-old and he was forty something( if I remember correctly). They had my brother when she was 21- years-old. They lived together, went to church faithfully because I think he was  a deacon at their church (he was known as Prophet Boaz) and lived in matimonial bliss.

My mother then began drinking again, came back to New York from Dayton, Ohio, got pregnant with another woman’s husband’s baby, and left that baby with her mother to pursue the all American bottle.Her husband, Billy is his name, came down from Ohio, tried to beg his wife to come back to Ohio with him and the child she got out of wedlock( he was willing to raise my brother, Michael, as his own) and they could go back to being the happy husband and wife they once were. My mother didn’t want that. She just wanted to spend her nights getting sloshed and her mornings throwing it back up into the universe.In her drunken stupors she had me and my youngest brother, Xavier.

But although so much time has passed and they are still legally married and have been for the last 30 years, my mother is still in love with Matthew’s daddy. Every time she sees him she says “Oh, you look just like your daddy”. Yes, in case your wondering, I am jealous and resentful, but I’m trying to get over it. I have started reffering to Matthew as “The Golden Child”. He, however, treats my mother like crap whenever he wants to and she takes it. He still holds great resentment towards her for giving him up for adoption as a baby. I do too, now that I think about it. I am also jealous and proud that she gave up drinking to raise my youngest brother, Xavier. He is 11- years-old and she has been clean for the last ten years.

Anyway, I gave my mother the number to get in touch with him although I honestly didn’t wnat to because I didn’t feel like watching her drool over his likeness to his father. But I knew that she was extremely worried aout his safety and in my resentful was pity as well. I told her that he was mad with her about their serious talks and after I gave her the number, she said she would think about using her. I told her don’t play me and that I knew full well that she was going to use it.

I didn’t hear what she said after that becuase my current squeeze at my job search program (Quintin) started teasing me about my mother.Anyway, my mother and brother are so friggin’ lame. They need to get over themselves and each other.Period!

So yesterday I spent the day with Rey.Rey is my aunt’s neighbor. When I was living with my aunt, Rey and I started a sexual relationship with the promise of more. My aunt was unaware of this relationship until I told my mother about it. Why I een told my mother, I still don’t know, but my aunt found out. My aunt forbid me from being with Rey, which struck me as odd because when I told her I was interested in him, she encouraged me to give him my number. He used to call me like 3am becuase Amani was a newborn and she was up at that time. We had good conversation and one night I bisited him at his house which is three doors down from me and we had sex.

The sex was amazing and Rey told me that he was very much interested in me being with him. When my aunt found out about us, I was going to do the honorable thing and not see Rey anymore, but then I moved out of her house and back in with my mother. Anyway, Rey and I had sex multiple times yesterday and each time was more amazing than the next. Rey’s goal is to get me pregnant with his baby. I asked him multiple times if he was sure he wanted to do that and his answer was yes each time. I don’t mind having Rey’s baby, if I hadn’t already told three other guys that I wanted to have their baby. I have no idea what I’m going to do or who’s baby I’m going to have. I know that I shouldn’t be telling the men that I am sexually involved with that I’m going to have their babies but when I’m with them at the time, I truly believe that I am. But Rey tried really hard to get me pregnant yesterday, and I have the strange feeling that he suceeded. If that is the case, I will commit myself to only Rey and he wants to build a life with me.I have genuine feeling for all my guys but Rey is someone who I think I can really build a life with.

As for my official boyfriend, Bart, he has moved away and has become the head of marketing for some record company in North Carolina. I don’t see me and him having a long distance relationship, even though he is in New York every other week. He just seems like a friend that I had sex with a couple times. Sad, but true.

I just got accepted to Medgar Evers College in Brooklyn. I’m extremely happy about it. I’m finally going to be able to major in exactly what it is I want to do. Yay!The only thing that might interrupt me is financial aid. Being that I did not officially withdraw from LIBI, I may have money to pay them back for this semester and the end of last semester. Now I really am going to have to get a job to fix that.But I won’t let that stop me from being excited.

So I haven’t blogged in a while becuase my poor computer (Christine) is finally broken. I have 1,000,005 things to do. I need to either go back to work or school and everyday I’m changing my mind as to which is more important. I’m just so all over the place right now, it’s ridiculous.

I have some excellent news. Today I worte my first short story.I was looking at soem posts on the Cafemom website. It was a group where the moms there write erotica. I read a couple of the stories and was inspired as well as turned on and decided to try my hand at erotica.So, I called Michael and told him I was writing a story just for him.And I did.

I called the story After Office Hours. I wroet the first part early this afternoon and posted it on that cafemom group. I got soem really nice feedback and decided to go ahead and write the second part. I just finished posting a little while ago.I’m really glad I did it becuase now my brain is nice and lucid and ready to create some more. I was thinking that I should start off with short stories.I didn’t actually have erotica in my mind but it was pretty easy.

I can’t wait to start brainstorming some more for my next short story. It’ll be longer than After Office Hours but definitely not a novel. I wonder when you know that you’ve written a novel and not a short story. Anyway, I’m off to brainstorm.Lataz

Me and my mother are having some differences about my choice of boyfriend. I started dating my boyfriend, Bart in July. We took it slow and I decided not to tell my mother about it until Iwas sure that I was serious about him.finally that day came when I let her know that I was involved with him.

She spoke to him over the phone and everything seemed okay. I wanted to be honest with her about my relationship with Bart becuase I wanted my mother and I to have that close relationship where I could feel comfortable telling her anything and everything. I told her that he was divorced with two children and that he was was a construction worker who paid child support and took care of his children very well.She accepted that I said she was okay with us dating.

One thing you need to know is that my mother is very religious. She got “saved” about two years ago adn has stuck with it. Although I am proud of her I wish she would stop trying to push her beliefs on me. I believe in God too but I wouldn’t push him on anyone.In the Bible it states that God basically frowns on divorce. In fact he doesn’t approve of divorce. If a man or woman gets a divorce and marries or has a relationship with someone else while their former spouse is still alive, then it is considered adultery. I know this becuase I am the one who read it to my mother when she first got saved.She had decided that shge wanted to be in a relationship with a church man but being that she was married she cant’t. Her and her husband are estranged so we don’t know if he is alive or dead.

Anyway, my mother says that I should end my relationship with Bart becuase I am going to hell if I don’t. I told her that if I did that, I’d be miserable. She said “Wel, then you would just have to be miserable but you wouldn’t go to hell”. I told her that God does not want me to be miserable but happy. True, He has everything that is going to make me happy, but right now I feel like Bart will make me happy.We’ve been having this “discussion” for a while now and I’s so tired of it.

Today I spoke to my baby and told him what was going on.I asked him if he was sure that he loved me and wanted to be with me becuase I didn’t want to make an asshole out of myself for him if he wasn’t on the same page with me about us. He said he did indeed love me and did want to be with me and I was satisfied with that.My mom says that we are going to continue this discussion but I really don’t want to. I want my mom to just drop it.

I just got done applying to college. I applied to Brooklyn College, Lehman College, Baruch College, and Medgar Evers.Do you know that there is an application fee for apllying to college. The worst part is that it’s non-refunbdable. But it’s cool because I paid the money off  my brother’s credit card. Naughty, I know but I had to do what I needed to.I also filled out my FAFSA. That’s basically an apllication you fill out ( free of charge,yay!) begging for money. No, really it goes through your income trying to figure out how much money the government is willing to give you to go to college.I’m broke so hopefully they’ll see that and give me all the money I need for school.

I’ve been dying to get back to school. I still have to go back to my old school and withdraw and pay them the money I owe the ($261.00)I’ll get the answer about the FAFSA in about three or four days.I know that all this shit sounds really easy but it’s probably not going to be.Guess I gotta get down on my knees  and ask The Man Upstairs for some help.

Yesterday was such a drag. I had to leave my nice warm house and go pick up my cousin all the way from QUeens, which is like 2 hours away from me. He’s going to be staying with us  until after his leg surgery. He has Blount’s disease which auses a curvature in his leg. It’s going to have to be broken and the ligament has to be realigned. I have to go now becuase I’m getting sleepy.Veerryy slleeppyy!